Hi folks! I’m back and am so glad you’re here with me. 🙂
A lot’s happened in the last 2 months, so let’s get caught up on some of the highlights, shall we?:
- TV Interview: In late April I did an interview on a local TV station to discuss my experience with antenatal depression (depression that occurs during pregnancy). I was approached to do the interview and initially thought “Hell to the no…” but after some thought, I realized that it would be beneficial for others and also therapeutic for myself (plus I figured not too many people would catch the local TV interview – so pretty low-risk). If you’re interested, here’s the link to the interview: http://rogerstv.com/show?lid=12&rid=54&sid=91 (“More” button along the right –> Keep pressing red “More” button until you see April 20, 2016 “Maternal Mental Health”): This then led to…
- Publicly Acknowledging my Depression: I didn’t quite post flyers around the neighborhood letting it be known…but I pretty much did the modern day equivalent – posting a blurb and the interview on my facebook. A bit ballsy considering it’s pretty personal, but it felt like the right thing to do at the time and it lifted a huge weight off my shoulders realizing I could embrace my experience and make it empowering instead of embarrassing. It wasn’t a popular decision with a few people, but it was the right decision for me.
- Post-Maternity Leave Confusion: I’ve been contemplating what to do after my maternity leave ever since I was pregnant. I’d get anxiety over what I should do, what would be the right/wrong decision and ruminate over the possibly disastrous outcomes. I told myself to chill out, enjoy my young family and to re-visit and figure things out 6 months into my mat leave (approximately halfway through). I’m now at 7 months. Nothing is certain at this moment (which could be taken as good or bad – bad that I don’t know what to expect, but good that it means there’s an opportunity for change).
So that’s what I’ve been up to.
Currently, #3 is top of mind. It was subconsciously eating away at me until I finally took some time to determine why I had been habitually inhaling junky mid-night snacks the past few weeks (cue the bags of rippled chips and Christmas chocolate I desperately scrounged up and devoured…not a proud moment.)
Just to give an idea of why this feels overwhelming, below are the options I’m debating:
- Work for the same company, same role, full-time
- Work for the same company, same role, part-time
- Work for the same company, different role, full-time
- Work for the same company, different role, part-time
- Work for different company, finance/accounting role, full-time
- Work for different company, finance/accounting role, part-time
- Work for different company, not finance/accounting role*, full-time
- Work for different company, not finance/accounting role*, part-time
- Work for…myself*?
*Note: I don’t actually know what this would look like…
That’s nine permutations. And those are just generic descriptions. Never-mind figuring out the specifics, finding roles, timing/availability of roles, suitability for roles, competition for roles.
Today I decided to re-focus. Instead of getting riled up with my “What am I going to do? How is each option going to potentially screw me? What are people going to think?” questions, I took the time to sit by myself and focused on 3 things:
- What do I want my life to look like in the next year?
- What do I want to accomplish in the next 10 years?
- What is the overall purpose of my life?
I still have some figuring out to do, and look forward to sharing my lists/progress over the next few posts, but it was a great lesson in stepping back to see the forest from the trees and a reminder to be mindful of how I spend my time & to practice self-reflection.
The answers to these questions aren’t showing up on my facebook feed, people.com or the half-dozen other mindless daily reads I toured out of habit. It’s important for me to invest time in myself and do a mental check-up to see what’s sitting around in the crevices of my sub-conscious & spend less time on mind-numbing activities.
I’m happy that I’ve figured out the root cause of my recent unhealthy eating. I’m thankful that my children were relatively well-behaved over the last 24 hours, which gave me a chance to research, reflect and write. I’m also thankful that there are loads of inspiring articles & blogs on the internet to help you get out of a rut. I’m hopeful that after much self-reflection I’ll learn to not let others’ opinions of whether I’m succeeding or failing drive my career decisions.