Those Pesky Triggers

There’s been a number of times I’ve thought about a topic or event in my life over the last few months where I thought “Ohhh, I’d like to blog about that!” But it never seemed to come at a good time – either I was at work, at bedtime, or in the middle of something.

This morning I have 20min before I need to head out, but unfortunately I can’t remember any of the things I wanted to blog about. Mainly because I had one of those pesky triggers last night that sends me in a spiral of self-doubt, loss of self-confidence and self-worth.

I think we all have one or two (or more pesky triggers). Whether it’s a phrase someone says that reminds you of a period or experience in your life where you felt like less, a rejection that doesn’t just smart due to the current circumstances but brings old feelings from prior similar rejections, or something else.

It always surprises me how much a trigger can take me from being a full-functioning, happy, productive adult/mother/wife/woman, to someone who is quiet, sullen, and feels like tears could come from behind her eyes at any given point in time. Just one sappy fb video away from pouring it out.

I like to think that I’m a strong, bad-ass, mother of two who rises to challenges and pursues her passions.

And I am.

But I’m also human and have 33 years of experience of ups and downs, memories, and emotions, and sometimes you just need to let yourself feel and address your emotions, give yourself time to understand yourself and why something that might be insignificant to one person feels like pulling out a jenga block and having the whole tower crash for you.

Sometimes you need to have grace, forgive, and put yourself in another’s shoes to say “is what I’m perceiving what they’re intending?” – I can already honestly say no…it’s not. But that doesn’t mean the history still isn’t there and that my feelings are invalid.

I think the conclusion I’m coming to is that you should never discount or invalidate your feelings (or shove them away and distract yourself with other things, as it’s often quite tempting to do) – but instead acknowledge them, allow yourself to feel them, and give yourself time to understand the feelings and what is contributing to them.

Actually – don’t just give yourself time to understand the feeling, make time to understand them, because it’s all too easy to get distracted with life and not actually deal with it. Prioritize it, schedule it in, do whatever you need to do – but give yourself the gift of relieving some of the luggage & burden you’ve been carrying around with you.

Those pesky triggers still might have a hold onto you, but hopefully with time the strength/effects will be less and less.

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